My brain feels fuzzy and I cant think straight at the moment. I feel an anger burning inside me screaming at the universe to give me a break from this pain. The pain that consumes me and hits me like a ton of bricks. I can’t say for sure why I feel like this but I hope it goes away.
Deep inside me there’s this war that I am fighting. At times I feel like I am fighting for my life. I want to find peace in everything I do.
The job I once enjoyed fills me with fear but I have come too far too lose it all now. Not sure why fear but it may be to do with people scrutinizing everything I do. No encouragement, no praise for the steps I am taking.
Ignorance and lack of understanding of my journey and the true impact. I am no longer a human being with feelings. I am merely a box on a sheet and a number on a chart.
People have changed during my journey and some are no longer on this journey with me. Why? I have no idea. We all lead busy lives but its 2020 and there are many ways to communicate. I have no more energy to be around those that do not support me or walk through the door once i start to put healthy boundaries in place. I am no longer going to expect ME from others. Why am I the one so unhappy.
The rules of play have changed and I no longer can keep up and play.. Instead I’m stuck in this place where people expect me to know all the rules. I will stand up for what I believe in is right. I will fight for mutual respect, understanding, loyalty and my right to be heard.
My journey is heading in a different direction and this scares me greatly. In one sense this comes from feeling like I have failed. However I will not be made to feel guilty for putting my daughter first. My rosy cheeked angel is all I have and I need to be strong for her and only her.
Credit Solo mama